This year is our first year at home with just the four of us, all by our lonesome.  I must say, it feels sort of surreal.  Somehow it has become a culminating point in my life.  One that states so very clearly-  you, you my friend, are officially an adult.  Yes, that is it.  I so do feel like a true grown up.

All our childhood we dream up the moment we will be grown ups, wearing our work boots, cooking our meals, paying our bills, maybe having some children… and it feels like it  is supposed to be just that.  Some precise moment.  But now I see.  I see it is just a stream I am floating down.  A little journey that I am on.  And well, it turns out, I actually love being a grown up.

Yesterday, after I put my boys down for an afternoon nap, and a bit of mama bliss time, I went straight to work.  Our own holiday traditions have begun with sincerity on this solo year.  Between a new one; a (giant) solstice celebration and a (relatively speaking) old one; homemade gifts for all, I thought I just might squeeze one more thing in.

We wanted to spread some of that old-fashioned spirit around.  I looked far and wide for some charitable opportunity a reckless three-year old, a slobbering one year old, a gigantic man and a more often than not frazzled mama could participate in, and it turns out, the pickings are slim.  So, I chose a more traditional route and we “adopted” a tiny family for the big day.  We get to be old St. Nick.

And let me inform you.  It was awesome.  With the help of my amazing mama donating to the cause, I was able to shop for not only a little girl (yes a little GIRL), but a mama who loves jewelry.  Both things I am in no way well versed in.  But, it turns out I am a quick learner.

Once those little men of mine had eyelids heavy with sand, I creeped into the kitchen and wrapped and taped and stamped and tied all the while humming some little christmas tune.  It is enough to make you puke.  I know.

But try not to get sick, because it put an enormous grin on my face.

They say every act is a selfish act.  When I first heard this it bothered me.  I wanted to be doing something only because it would help someone else.  But, I knew it was true.

It doesn’t feel bad anymore though.  Now, I see it more as a way to stay inspired and awake.  To keep yourself from becoming stagnant and creaky.  When you help others, I think your insides just change.  I think something honest to goodness happens inside that is so wonderfully permanent.